I used to be a wild child of sorts. I say of sorts because somewhere in my excitable nature, that lively and unfiltered strain of myself still lurks. You know, the part that spontaneously dances like mad with the grace of an uncoordinated five year old. Well, I suppose you don’t know but rather my sister does. Or the part that picks the most obnoxious parts of obnoxious songs and sings them loudly and repeatedly without thinking twice (Sorry Lindsey). Or the part that occasionally likes to split a bottle of wine on a Wednesday night and frolic around in the park and play on the playground. Yes, that slightly wild and silly part that I suppress sometimes (a lot more than I should) not only exists, but reels like crazy deep down. And I’m okay with that, now more than ever.

The past few months of this winter really had me feeling older than my years, down to aching joints and grumbling mornings to boot. I found myself suppressing my inner happy go lucky self in order to be taken more seriously and try to be more productive. Over the last few years actually, that has been the trend. After college graduation, I thought it was time to “grow up”. But I think the opposite of what I wanted to happen, happened. And I didn’t expect it. I became less interested with myself, more tired, and frankly more boring. I was working hard, and had some successes, but wasn’t really happy. I felt like a stifled, shushed, whiny, and tired-of-it-all woman. At my own hand no less.

This year, and even more so with the recent coming of spring, I find a familiar feeling bubbling up inside of me; something that makes me take a step back and wonder, “Hang on, where the hell have I been??” The other morning, I woke up with “Another One Bites The Dust” stuck in my head (don’t ask), and suddenly found myself belting out some Queen and shakin’ it like nobody’s business–like it was automatic. And it is, because it’s who I am. I’m dancing like crazy. I’m not being overly cautious. I’m not catering to what “they” might think. I’m finding more and more happiness with letting that wild vibrant spirit of mine come to light with the realization that I was perfectly imperfect before I tried to “grow up” too much. Perhaps I tried to suppress that part of me to make up for the time I thought I’d lost. My battle with undiagnosed gluten issues, food allergies, and ADHD made being successful difficult. Really difficult. I managed, but I had to work around these things for a long time and had to work A LOT harder than I do after diagnosis to make it all jive. Maybe I tried to kill that wild, silly, lovely part of myself because it reminded me of more hazy, uncertain, and unhealthier days. But the fact is, I’m not unhealthy anymore. I’m bursting with life and heart and crazy big opportunities that demand my inner vibrancy! It’s been a long time coming, but now I’m just finding I’ve reached that refreshing balance of being young at heart while still being a capable professional gearing up to take on the world. This is my crazy state of grace.

By the way, this really has nothing to do with gluten-free Breakfast Quesadillas, other than the fact that they’re also quite bold and pack a punch of spicy flavor. Oh well. I feel like my own authentic self now more than ever before. There’s something to be said for that.

And no one said it better than Pink Floyd… so shine on you crazy diamond.

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there’s a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom,
blown on the steel breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter,
come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!
You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,
rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!”

Gluten-free Breakfast Stuffed Quesadillas

This recipe is free of: Gluten, Soy, Lactose (contains Casein), Peanuts, Legumes, and Refined Sugar.

Yield: One large Quesadilla

• 2 brown rice tortillas, or gluten-free tortillas of choice (I use Food For Life brand).
• 1 cup grated almond jalepeno jack cheeze (contains casein, but no lactose. I use Lisonatti Foods brand)
• 1/2 cup diced onion
• 1/4 cup diced green bell pepper
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 3 eggs, scrambled
• Salt, Pepper, and Cayenne (optional) to taste
• 1/4 cup green onions
• Salsa of choice for serving (I use Mrs. Renfro’s Medium Salsa)

1. In a small fry pan, saute diced onion and green bell pepper with spices.
2. Add 3 eggs and cook until it becomes scrambled. Remove from the heat.
3. In a larger fry pan over low/medium heat, add the first tortilla to the pan and cover with shredded almond cheeze. Add the scrambled eggs on top and sprinkle with a bit more cheese.
4. Add the second tortilla on top and press down until the cheeze starts to melt. After about 3 to 4 minutes, carefully flip over the quesadilla and allow to cook the rest of the way on that side. The edges may get a little crispy, but just keep them pressed down with a pancake flipper or spatula.
5. Remove from the heat and sprinkle with chopped green onion and salsa. Serve hot.